The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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