my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
