She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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