I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
