You can't special order awesome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
