Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
