sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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