i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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