ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Two words: blizzard sex
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
