it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize