I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
