Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
