I could make wine with my vomit
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
