doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
