Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize