I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
