You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
