i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
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I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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