everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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