somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
