The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
