In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
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hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
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I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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