Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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