She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Oh god it's open bar.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
