Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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