my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just found puke in my bra..
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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