is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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