I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
