My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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