I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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