just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
