YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
