***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
