We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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