I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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