I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
