Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
