there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
don't judge my taste in strippers
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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