I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
