I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
