I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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