when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
