sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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