i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
