What a fucking waste of an outfit
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
