girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
