I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
