Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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