I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
