Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
