I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
