i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
