u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Boobs are out for the taking
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
