i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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