she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Randomize
