Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
