I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i believe in u and ur pee
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
