his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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