I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Man, jail baloney is awful.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
