Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
