I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
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She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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