Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize