Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
