remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
