she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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