Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
