do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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