My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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